Long before Bessie Gruwell became executive director of the Delaware Thoroughbred Horsemen’s Association in 2005, she was forced to cope with two losses as sudden as they were devastating.

She was a mere 20 years old when her father, Thomas Lovelace, died of a heart attack in 1983. She wound up taking over his training operation at that unlikely age. She was 33 when Richard Gruwell, her husband, died in his sleep two weeks after they celebrated their 10^th anniversary. Another heart attack.

“At a very young age, when you experience losses like that, it makes you find out what’s really important in life,” Gruwell said. In taking great care of her horses as part of a training career she never envisioned, she learned they would take equally great care of her.

Now 63, she has devoted much of her heralded career as an executive – she received Godolphin’s Employee Administration Award in 2019 – to helping others. She has become particularly passionate about assisting those with autism, including 15-year-old great-nephew Carter Ramey. Delaware Park will hold its fourth consecutive Autism Day Aug. 1.

Gruwell with Matt Halter (Courtesy of Bessie Gruwell)

“When you have a big loss, and people have losses, they go one way or the other usually. They either learn something from it or they begrudge it,” she said. “Why did this happen to me?”

Gruwell is not the woe-is-me type. She has a relentless work ethic that led her to be at Churchill Downs in 1983. She was excited about giving trainer D. Wayne Lukas a hand as he saddled three Kentucky Derby starters. Then she received a phone call from her mother, Mattie, that no daughter ever wants to take.

Her father did not want her to know and he did not want anything to keep her from the Derby. But he had been hospitalized after suffering a heart attack. Gruwell can still hear her mother telling her, “Whenever it’s over, you better be in your car and on your way home.”

The day before the Kentucky Derby, a horse she groomed won. Her parents were provided with an unforgettable moment when they watched the Derby broadcast and spotted her in the paddock ahead of the famed “run for the roses.”

Then the native of Port Deposit, Md., drove into the night, hurrying to be by her ailing father’s side. Although he endured a second heart attack while hospitalized, doctors thought they had stabilized him and told the family he would be released the next day. Two hours after they were given that great news, there was a third attack. This one was fatal.

The grieving daughter soon called various owners to tell them to send their horses elsewhere. Two owners, Henry Crigler and Ella Smith, were adamant that they wanted her to train for them and she relented. A 22-year career was launched during which she finished as the second-leading trainer at Delaware Park for three consecutive seasons and won almost 400 races in the Mid-Atlantic region.

Gruwell’s perseverance was again tested with her husband’s passing. Beyond the love they shared, he had been her top assistant and provided her with invaluable feedback as an exercise rider. How to respond?

She found comfort in the same place she retreated to after her father’s death. In the barn. She would arrive at 4:30 a.m., well before her employees reported, to enjoy desperately needed alone time with her horses.

Carter Ramey with Jose Ortiz (Courtesy of Bessie Gruwell)

“Horses are very perceptive. They were my strength to get through a lot of different things,” Gruwell said. “You give them a scratch and they lean into you. You give them a hug and they might put their head on your shoulder like it’s a hug back.”

At that point, she welcomed all forms of affection.

As years passed, Gruwell felt an increasing need to give back. Her long run with the Delaware Thoroughbred Horsemen’s Association has helped her to do that, especially in the area of autism.

Two of Delaware Park’s most passionate fans, Matt Halter and Ramey, are autistic. Track officials created Autism Day to increase awareness and to raise funds for programs to help those with a condition that, according to the Center for Disease Control, affects one in 31 children by the time they turn age 8.

Dan Getman, director of development for Autism Delaware, said of Autism Day, “Any time awareness is raised about people with autism and the services we provide is a good thing. We touch on all different ages. We have programs across the lifespan. It’s important to get that word out.”

Getman praised Delaware Park for providing supervised employment opportunities for those with autism. “To literally open your doors to hiring people with developmental disabilities really shows and demonstrates how serious Delaware Park itself is in terms of making a difference in the community,” he said.

That is a testament, in part, to Gruwell. She responded to great loss in the best way possible. She helps others make great gains.